


The secret

by rainbow_reindeer



Category: One Piece
Genre: Attempt at Humor, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Not Serious, Sorry Not Sorry, many stupid jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 10:28:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11895795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbow_reindeer/pseuds/rainbow_reindeer
Summary: DISCLAIMER: THIS IS AN UTTERLY TRASHY ATTEMPT AT HUMOUR AND BAD JOKES WRITTEN LATE AT NIGHT, I AM SORRY IN ADVANCEThe secret was, there was a peculiar relationship between the two Shichibukai, almost as peculiar as the pair involved in it. Gecko Moriah and Bartholomew Kuma enjoyed each other's company. And by company, I mean Kuma's cyborg dick in Moriah's huge ass.





	The secret

Thriller Bark. Without doubt the most emo place on Grand Line. A dark land full of zombies, ghosts, and monsters, where only a few living people could feel comfortable; others lurked in the crazy forest, without shadows and without their lives, sentenced to eternal life in darkness. This ship gave chills even to the bravest - but there were some who enjoyed the highly specific atmosphere.

Among these unquestionable daredevils, there were two Shichibukai. One of them lived on Thriller Bark and he pretty much was the Deus Artifex of this gloomy horrorland, sitting on his round butt above all the zombies (literally- 6 meters was a little more than usual human height) and distributing the shadows to his subordinates. The other one was often seen visiting the ship while carrying a Bible, and like a Messiah, sending even his enemies to places that they wished to travel to, with just a touch of his han- I mean, giant kitty paw. Most of his visits were just missions from the World Government to provide messages to a fellow Shichibukai. But sometimes he visited without a purpose. Or rather, with a top secret purpose. Late at night, when not even the zombies were around.

The secret was, there was a peculiar relationship between the two Shichibukai, almost as peculiar as the pair involved in it. Gecko Moriah and Bartholomew Kuma enjoyed each other's company. And by company, I mean Kuma's cyborg dick in Moriah's huge ass. But also long talks under the night sky (sometimes Kuma managed to say more than 3 words in an hour when they were talking - that was a real record) and going on romantic trips to other emo, abandoned castles of the world together. After all, there was one destination that Kuma enjoyed more than anything else - Moriah's arms.

They always told each other that no one can ever know. This would be too disturbing - neither of them wanted to hear any comments or questions as much as neither of them wanted this to disturb their Shichibukai work. But nevertheless, it felt sometimes like everyone knew. Like everyone noticed the gazes they exchanged during formal meetings, like all of the times they were seen together were noted down and counted; like Kuma's nighttime disappearances didn't go unnoticed. Even though in fact, no one gave a fuck. Only they did. To each other.

\- We can't go on like this. Everyone knows. - Kuma once said, exploiting all his chatterbox word limit for three days. Now only nods (and possibly moans) remained for communication. But Moriah didn't mind. He could do the talking. In fact, what Kuma said raised a fairly important issue. He lingered his long nails against the other man's naked form, admiring the perfect proportions.

\- You think we should tell them finally?

Head shook in disapproval.

\- Yeah, I guess so, that could cause problems.... so we should hide it more?

Uncertain nod.

\- But.... we're already meeting only at nights.... how can we hide more without having to meet less?

Shrug.

Moriah sighed heavily, looking at his lover with slight disapproval on his gorgeous pale face, which was usually shining with a wide smile.

\- Does it even matter to you?

Nod. And a hand grabbing Moriah's round booty in the best reassurance of love that Kuma could provide.

\- You sure? Recently we don't even have time to talk because we don't want all the suspicions. I want this relationship to be more than just fucking, Bartho. I want it to be more than a shadow. I have enough shadows in my life.

Nod. With a pinch of understanding in the movement of Kuma's head.

\- Remind me why we even care what others think? We're powerful! We can scare the mocking away! Or just make those who’re against into obedient zombies! Kishishishi, imagine how pathetic it would look if they suddenly would oblige to our every request!

Shrug.

\- Can you maybe just say something for once? – the Queen of Shadows was getting slowly annoyed. Sure, he could do the talking. But if Kuma was the one who STARTED the topic…   
Another shrug, with even less care this time.

\- Why you gotta be this user-UNfriendly?! – Moriah got up, turning his back and booty to his lover (but not in a sexy way) – I’m just the only one trying for this relationship all the time! You don’t even want it to work!

Head shook in a slightly offended denial of the accusations.

\- You know what, sometimes I prefer that you were dead! A dead person would try more! At least corpses I make into a zombie would talk to me when we need to talk!

Just as his raised high-pitch voice vibrated through the room and faded, a long silence fell.

And then finally Kuma said something.

\- Hm.

***

\- WHAT?! KUMA IS DEAD?!

The messenger zombie shivered with fear, taking a step back.

\- You didn’t know, Moriah-sama? He accepted the last stage of Doctor Vegapunk’s experiments….

\- THAT IDIOT! WHY?! I TOLD HIM SO MANY TIMES IT WAS STUPID! – Moriah stood up, his powers overflowing and slowly filling the room

\- I don’t know, sir, but the last time he was leaving he said, like…. “I won’t be back. I have to become dead”?

\- HE SAID 9 WORDS IN A ROW?! Anyways, WHAT?! Have to become dead?!

\- I didn’t understand it either, Moriah-sama.

\- That idiot… - Moriah sat again (partly for the drama, partly cuz his booty was just a heavy thing to carry around- author’s note) and sighed heavily when a sudden realization washed over him like waves of a poisoned sea – He said he HAS TO BECOME DEAD?

\- Indeed, sir.

Moriah’s eyes widened in shock and he hid his face in his hands, slowly starting to laugh hysterically.

\- Kishishi-kishishishi-KISHISHISHISHISHI… this stupid motherfucker… how could he…

\- Moriah-sama, are you fine?

\- Sure I am, fuck off! - with a move of his hand he sent all the zombies out of his room – Just go, leave me alone!

Now, this was Kuma’s legacy that he couldn’t let anyone know. So he waited, keeping all the thoughts and feelings inside until the last zombie disappeared from the room and his doors have been locked.  
And then he took Kuma’s photo from his old “wanted” notice out of his pocket. Just to see his lover’s fluffy hair and originally carved chin once again, and loose it.

***

Everyone was fighting around. This battle was probably the most severe one in the history of Marineford and for sure in the life of Moriah. So many famous pirates were clashing with the government-loyal forces, just like Moriah’s pirates used to do before he lost them. It had a kind of deja-vu feeling. To once again be in a huge fight. And once again be focusing mostly on someone he had lost very recently.

Except this time, this person was still there, standing and engaging in combat. He just changed enough not to be the person Moriah knew and loved anymore.

Sure, he looked the same. He didn’t talk still, his death wasn’t much of a change in this aspect. But now he had no idea who Moriah was to him – except an ally. He forgot who they used to be, just like he forgot all of his previous life.

It was hurtful, but the battle had to go on. So Moriah sent his shadows onto the enemies, attacked and laughed at their attempts to fight back. Just like a zombie, he didn’t stick out of the line. He still fulfilled the expectations, for sure just too lazy to stand against those who killed Kuma and loose his Shichibukai status and his easy and problemless life. Outside no one knew. It was just inside that he felt empty, that he felt something was lost. Something felt missing. Something big.

Like Kuma’s dick.


End file.
